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[08 Nov 2009|07:49pm] |
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mood |
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 sad |
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music |
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Ronald Jenkees – Throwing Fire |
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Yesterday was my 19th birthday.
I guess I'll start writing in here again. It helps me not bottle so much stuff all the time. I actually wish I had health insurance just to go see a therapist again. It seems like my depression is getting worse and worse day by day. I got Wilson's card in the mail today. He wrote me a nice message inside that was very wonderful.
It seems like Wilson and I don't show affection as much as we used to... I mean, we say "I love you" a lot, every day all the time but that's all it is. There's not much more to it than that. I don't know if I'm just being selfish or something but he seems so distant sometimes I feel semi-invisible to him. I don't like when he gets upset with me.... the way he has been sometimes, it hurts me really bad, but when he's there for me, it's amazing and I couldn't be happier. I guess not all relationships are perfect. Sometimes I'm scared to tell him if I feel depressed. Sometimes I'm just scared to show him more affection than usual. I'm afraid he'll get mad or something. I don't know.
I really need to move out of here. My dad and little brother are complete scumbags. Just so messed up in the head and abusive... I really don't know how much longer I can take living here. I hope Wilson lets me move in with him soon. We've been discussing it so hopefully he does.. but I am kind of worried since the problem we have been having, we'll pull through... I just don't know how long it'll take considering I'm always scared or worrying. Maybe it's just bad anixety, I don't know.
There's like nothing to eat in this house. My dad got Burger King for my birthday which was nice since there was like absolutely nothing to eat here, but Matty just ate my food so I've just been eating peanuts. Funny thing is, he knew it was my birthday and ate it anyway. It's pretty horrible.
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[09 Sep 2009|07:56am] |
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mood |
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crushed |
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music |
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Modest Mouse - Florida |
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I'm going to start writing in this old thing.
Am I the only one who doesn't have sex with people just to have sex with people? It seems like everyone else does.
I'm super exhausted. Wilson and I got into an argument this morning and I haven't slept and it's 11:07 in the morning. I'm deeply in love with him and I hate fighting so much, especially over stuff that can be worked out. It seems like he never wants to fully talk about things then when we settle down, we end up pillow talking or the whole "Jen, I love you, you're my life" etc. I just wish he'd apologize for the major stuff. He's kind of sleeping now but he notices when I say his name. I don't say anything when he answers after the third time saying it.
Anyway. I don't know what else to say. Maybe I will next time.
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| FRIENDS ONLY. |
[20 Dec 2005|08:50pm] |
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mood |
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 good |
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music |
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the cupcake crew |
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This livejournal is friends only. Please add me and I will think about adding you back.
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